Is this a thought that’s echoing in your mind as you process the news of an unexpected pregnancy? If so, your partner probably tends to push his own agenda and lash out when his expectations go unmet. Perhaps he wants you to continue the pregnancy, but you’re concerned that having a baby together would make it harder for you to leave him. You may be concerned that if you abort, he may get very angry with you. Or you might feel that if you parent, you may end up feeling stuck in an unhealthy situation with even more responsibilities. A woman’s true desires for her pregnancy can easily get lost in the stress of trying to appease a coercive partner. It isn’t meant to be this way. If you find yourself in this overwhelming position, know that you’re not alone. Avenue Women’s Center, and many other free resources, are in your corner.
Avenue is a first-step pregnancy clinic that’s been serving women facing unexpected pregnancies for over 40 years. We provide free and confidential services, including (but not limited to) medical-grade pregnancy tests, options consultations, and limited medical ultrasounds. When you reach out, we promise you’ll be met with warmth, empathy, and helpful information about your options and resources. We’re a safe space and a pressure-free zone.
Discover Avenue Women’s Center and contact us to learn more! We’re located in Darien, Elmhurst, Glen Ellyn / Lombard, West Chicago, and Wood Dale, Illinois. We offer virtual consultations too!
Recognizing Coercion and Abuse
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline) defines “relationship abuse” as, “a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner.” Do you think this may be an accurate description of your relationship? It’s important to keep in mind that there are many different kinds of abuse. The Hotline specifically highlights nine: Physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, technology-facilitated abuse, sexual coercion, reproductive coercion, stalking, and spiritual abuse. If you’re afraid that your partner may make your life miserable based on which pregnancy option you choose, there’s a strong chance that he’s demonstrating reproductive coercion (and possibly some other forms of abuse). Before making a pregnancy decision or doing anything else, it’s critical to take steps to protect your safety.
*If you believe that your physical safety or someone else’s is at risk, call 911 immediately. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you think you may be in an abusive relationship. The Hotline is free, confidential, and available 24/7.
Protecting Yourself Physically, Emotionally, and Financially
As The Hotline points out, “An abusive partner may see the unpredictability of pregnancy as an opportunity to increase power and control.” It’s always important to have safeguards in place to protect your physical, emotional, and financial wellness. This is especially critical when life is stressful and the future looks unclear, as with an unexpected pregnancy. Here are a few tips from The Hotline to protect your safety as you navigate the days ahead:
- Physically Safe. One key way to stay physically safe during pregnancy is to establish care with a gynecologist or OBGYN. Getting prompt prenatal care will ensure that the pregnancy is cared for (should you choose to continue), while also allowing you to report any coercion or abuse concerns to your doctor. In the later stages of pregnancy especially, it can be difficult to move around and function as you normally would. Map out a safety plan so you’ll know what to do if you ever feel unsafe with your partner. The Hotline recommends identifying clear exit routes, carrying cash, and avoiding areas with weapons, hard surfaces, or stairs as much as possible.
- Emotionally Safe. Consider creating an emotional self-care plan in addition to a safety plan. The Hotline mentions prenatal yoga, walking outdoors, journaling, and art as specific ways to maintain emotional wellness. Building social connections is critical as well. You could join an online support group, take a class for expecting parents, or reach out to a professional counselor.
- Financially Safe. Not all workplaces are equally supportive of pregnant employees. However, businesses are required to comply with certain employment laws, and it’s important to know your rights under those laws. If you’re interested in continuing the pregnancy and leaving your partner (now or later), you may have some legal questions related to custody. Know that there are many resources available to guide you (The Hotline). It is possible to achieve financial independence one small step at a time.
Taking steps to protect yourself is vital, first and foremost because your safety matters above all else. Putting these measures in place may also equip you to make a more confident pregnancy decision because people tend to make their healthiest choices when they feel safe and supported. You need time and space to evaluate your own values, emotions, and desires for this pregnancy. Avenue Women’s Center is here to support you in that process. We offer information about your unique pregnancy as well as information regarding which options are available to you in a private and comfortable setting, free of charge. We’re in your corner – whatever you decide.
Know that you have options, aside from watching your partner drive your pregnancy decision or make your life miserable. There is a way out. Contact Avenue Women’s Center today to connect with a caring helpline professional and begin your journey toward a confident, autonomous pregnancy decision.
*Avenue Women’s Center does not provide direct domestic abuse services. In addition to providing first-step pregnancy services, we offer referrals for individuals who need domestic abuse support. We can also provide information on additional resources, including healthcare resources.
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References:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline). How to Stay Physically, Emotionally, and Financially Safe During Pregnancy. Retrieved from: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/staying-physically-emotionally-and-financially-safe-during-pregnancy/
National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline). Types of Abuse. Retrieved from: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/
The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.