When facing a pregnancy decision (or any significant choice in life), it can be helpful to look at the experiences of people who’ve been through similar circumstances. Learning from each other’s journeys is healthy. To some extent, this kind of approach can help us reach better outcomes for our own stories. It’s just important to keep a balanced perspective. We need to be mindful of the nuances involved when we compare our experiences to others’.
Maybe you’re considering an abortion because you know someone who had one, and the consequences have been positive for her. Perhaps she’s expressed this or it’s something that you’ve observed. Her experience may naturally factor into your own decision-making process. However, this will ideally be one of many factors that influences your next steps. If you sense that someone else’s past pregnancy outcome is guiding your own journey to the extent that it’s driving your decisions, now would be a good time to pause and re-evaluate.
Avenue Women’s Center equips women with the tools they need to make confident and autonomous pregnancy decisions. We’re a limited medical clinic with five locations in Chicagoland, and we’ve been serving individuals from our own community and beyond for over 40 years. Avenue educates women on their pregnancies, options, and available resources, so they’re empowered to make well-informed choices.
Learn more about our free and confidential first-step pregnancy services!
Every Story is Unique, and Her Story Is Still Unfolding
It can be valuable to gather feedback from people who’ve coped with difficult circumstances like yours and reached the other side. It’s also vital to recognize that every set of circumstances is unique, and so is every unexpected pregnancy journey. The decision that was “right” or “wrong”, “good” or “bad” for your friend may or may not have a similar turnout for you. It’s also hard to define what it means for a situation to “work out.” Every pregnancy option (abortion, adoption, and parenting) brings its own unique set of challenges, and your friend’s journey of processing her choice may not be over. Feelings and circumstances surrounding a past pregnancy decision can change over time. It may take years for you and your acquaintance to fully understand how you’ve been impacted by your pregnancy choices. The best approach is to focus on the here and now, and make an informed decision.
Questions to Ask Yourself When Comparing Your Situation to Someone Else’s
As you reflect on your friend’s pregnancy journey and your own, consider asking yourself questions like these. Processing them may lead to deeper insight.
- How were her circumstances similar to mine when she was going through her own decision-making process? How were they different?
- Whether or not I end up making the same decision, what can I learn from her pregnancy experience? What pieces of wisdom can I take with me? These may be things she navigated well or things she wishes she’d done differently.
- Am I getting genuine feedback from my friend when she describes her abortion experience and how it’s affected her? Am I drawing my own conclusions based on what I’ve observed, or am I having honest conversations with her? Sometimes, after people make important decisions, they describe the effects in an overly optimistic kind of way. This doesn’t mean they’re being dishonest. They may be trying to maintain an upbeat attitude by focusing on the positive. They may be trying to demonstrate to others and themselves that they’ve made the right decision. The truth is, every pregnancy outcome can be hard for different reasons, and for a lot of individuals, these challenges can be difficult to talk about. If you feel comfortable, invite your acquaintance to have a transparent conversation about her journey. Clarify where she really stands. If you don’t have an opportunity to do so, it may be best not to let the outcome of her story influence your decision too much.
- What are my own values, beliefs, and gut feelings telling me? How might these inform my own best pregnancy decision? These will create a strong foundation to build your decision upon. They will be better indicators of your best way forward than what seems to have worked for someone else.
It’s possible to learn from other peoples’ experiences while taking self-directed steps to discover the outcome that’s best for you. Our expert pregnancy consultants and nurses at Avenue are available to support you in this journey. We’re here while you process your feelings about your pregnancy and your options, while you clarify your path forward.
Reach out to us today! Avenue is a judgment-free, pressure-free zone.
The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.