Life has many twists and turns, but few challenges are as stressful as an unexpected pregnancy. Are you and your partner dealing with this situation right now? If so, you deserve a lot of credit just for reaching this point. Engaging in a pregnancy decision-making process isn’t easy, especially when you’re trying to balance your own complicated feelings with someone else’s.
It’s only natural for a partner’s views to influence a woman’s decision-making process. Maybe your significant other is pressuring you to end the pregnancy (whether deliberately or unintentionally) because he doesn’t feel ready to be a dad. Perhaps he’s expressed his full support for your choice- whatever it might be. You may be considering abortion simply because you know he feels unprepared, and you don’t want to put him in an uncomfortable position. It’s admirable that you care about your partner and want the best for him. However, sometimes making a choice that flows out of your own heart and mind is the wisest, bravest, most unselfish approach.
A partner has the potential to play a very supportive and empowering role in a woman’s pregnancy journey. Still, navigating these circumstances alongside a significant other can present some unique challenges. Your own partner probably has strong emotions surrounding your pregnancy and the options you’re considering. These feelings may be adding complexity to an already complex situation. Avenue Women’s Center is here to meet you in that space- however messy it may feel. We offer confidential first-step pregnancy services at no cost, with the goal of helping women access the information and support they need to make their own best decisions.
Reach out today to speak with an expert staff member! Avenue is a judgment-free, pressure-free zone, where supporting and empowering women is our first priority.
Does He (Or Doesn’t He) Have Your Best Interest at Heart?
Chances are, your partner feels very personally invested in your future pregnancy decision (for abortion, adoption, or parenting). That’s normal and valid. Hopefully, he’s approaching this situation with compassion and offering unconditional emotional support. Perhaps you trust his judgment, respect his opinion, and feel thankful to have him in your life- all signs of a healthy relationship! But what if you’re not feeling supported by him? Or, what if you’re sensing that his support has strings attached? Maybe you’re afraid of how he might react if you chose a pregnancy outcome that he didn’t agree with. If that’s the case, it’s critical to make your own best decision while taking active steps to protect your own health and safety.
*If your partner is pressuring you towards abortion or any other specific pregnancy option, this may be a sign of coercion or abuse. Contact 911 immediately if you ever feel that your health and safety is at risk. To get connected with support, you can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
5 Reasons Why this Decision Must Come from You
No matter what you’re facing or which way you’re leaning, it’s important for your pregnancy decision to be motivated by your own firmly held values, beliefs, instincts, and desires. Listen to your partner’s concerns and empathize with his feelings. Process this situation by his side if you feel safe with him. Just be careful not to let his concerns become the driving force behind your pregnancy decision. This wouldn’t be healthy for you, and it probably wouldn’t be in your partner’s best interest either. Here’s why.
- You’re carrying the pregnancy inside your body. This makes all the difference. Your partner may have a significant stake in your pregnancy outcome. However, as the one who’s carrying the pregnancy, you will likely be impacted more deeply and intimately than anyone. Abortion and birth can both be highly personal experiences. Your decision will have implications on your physical health, and quite possibly your mental/emotional health too. This means that it’s your right and responsibility to make this choice for you– not for him.
- Feelings can be fleeting and unreliable. Feelings are tricky! Sometimes, they’re helpful indicators of what to do next. Other times, they’re misleading. And often, feelings are just feelings. They can be very fluid as well. Even genuine, carefully considered feelings can change within a short period of time. Just because your partner has negative feelings about parenting now doesn’t mean that he’ll always feel that way. The same goes for you. As your decision-making process continues, pay attention to your feelings, but look deeper towards your instincts. Make sure that both are resting on the steadier, more reliable foundation of your values and beliefs.
- Discomfort can be healthy. Sometimes, we achieve the best things in life by stepping outside of our comfort zones. Parenting in particular is one of those life changes that few people would ever express feeling “ready” for. This goes for couples who experience pregnancy intentionally, and those who don’t. It’s okay to want comfort and consistency in your life. That’s human nature. Just don’t let your desire for these things (or anyone else’s desire for them) keep you from considering your options and possibly accepting new challenges. The famous showman P.T. Barnum once said, “Comfort is the enemy of progress.” While it may sound harsh to call comfort an “enemy,” perhaps the underlying principle here applies to personal growth.
- You are not responsible for your partner’s response to your pregnancy decision. Your partner is accountable for his own reaction to your pregnancy, as well as your decision for abortion, adoption, or parenting. His response is beyond your control. This can be hard to accept, because most people have specific desires and expectations when they share their pregnancy news with a significant other. Only by accepting the reality of your situation can you make peace with it and find the best solution. If your partner truly isn’t ready to be a dad or if his reaction disappoints you, that’s okay. None of this has to dictate your path forward.
- Sometimes, making important decisions for someone else’s sake can backfire. Maybe the desire to avoid relationship conflict has been one important factor in your decision-making process so far. Keep in mind… if you make a choice for your partner’s sake that doesn’t match your own values and beliefs, this could leave you vulnerable to resentment down the road, possibly triggering the conflict you were trying to prevent. Don’t let your options be narrowed by a desire to please your partner- no matter how selfless and sincere your intentions may be.
Basing your decision on your partner’s unpreparedness isn’t healthy for you as a person. But taking this approach probably wouldn’t be best for him or for your relationship either. Know that it’s possible to respect and encourage your partner while setting appropriate boundaries. If you need help navigating these choppy waters, consider reaching out to a trusted mediator, like an unbiased mentor or professional counselor. Avenue Women’s Center is available to walk this road beside you and your partner as well. We offer early pregnancy support with the goal of equipping individuals with the resources they need to lean into their own best outcomes.
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The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.