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“Considering Abortion So My Boyfriend Won’t Find Out”

There’s a time and a place for choosing not to disclose information, even important information, to a partner.  Perhaps you’ve been keeping something from your boyfriend, and your secret involves an unexpected pregnancy.  You may be considering an abortion so he never finds out about your positive pregnancy test result.  Maybe additional factors are making your situation even more complicated.  (That may be the case if, for example, you think you may be pregnant by another man).  Circumstances like these can naturally trigger feelings of isolation.  Know that you’re not alone, even if it seems like you’re braving this storm on your own.

Avenue Women’s Center is here to be your advocate and ally, no matter what you’re facing.  We’re a limited medical clinic with six locations in Chicagoland, offering free early pregnancy support to persons who think they may be experiencing an unexpected pregnancy.  Our services include, but are not limited to, medical-grade pregnancy tests and options consultations.

Get to know us by checking out our “About” page and reaching out! 

Not the Right Time

There’s nothing inherently wrong with keeping a secret.  If you believe that sharing your pregnancy news with your boyfriend would put your safety at risk, holding off on telling him has been the right decision!  Remember: You have every right to make this pregnancy decision without fear of backlash from your partner.  Even if you don’t have any safety concerns, you’re not obligated to inform him of the pregnancy.  Maybe you just sense that now isn’t the right time to have this conversation.  If so, that’s okay!

Sharing Your News with Someone Else You Trust

Every set of circumstances is unique.  So, it may or may not be a positive, though probably hard thing, for your partner to know about this pregnancy at some point.  Maybe it’s best to put that particular choice to the side for now.  Focusing on your needs in the present, and taking this pregnancy journey one small step at a time, is going to be your best approach.  Consider confiding in someone caring and trustworthy (other than your boyfriend) early in the decision-making process.  This can be extremely helpful.  Here’s why:

  • Opening up to the right person could allow you to feel supported and equipped instead of isolated. Scary situations can feel much less daunting when they’re faced alongside someone who genuinely cares.
  • Telling someone about the pregnancy would not only create an opportunity to receive emotional support. It would possibly present an opportunity to get practical help… both before and after a decision for abortion, adoption, or parenting is made.
  • Talking with someone could be key to gaining insight if your pregnancy decision isn’t set in stone. Maybe it would be helpful to hear your support person’s perspective, although the pregnancy choice is yours to make.  Hearing yourself process your thoughts and feelings can often provide a surprising amount of clarity too!

If you’ve already confided in someone, and you still don’t feel like you have all the support that you need, don’t give up!  Consider approaching someone else.  This takes courage every time, but you’re capable of greater bravery than you know.

How Can Avenue Women’s Center Help?

When it comes to making a pregnancy decision, your partner’s reaction (or possible reaction) probably matters a lot.  But there are other factors to consider as well.  Ask yourself what your feelings, desires, instincts, values, and beliefs are telling you.  Seek out reliable information about the pregnancy, so you can know exactly what you’re facing.  Avenue Women’s Center is here to help you attain this information through free first-step pregnancy services, while helping you process your circumstances and all the factors involved.

Getting a scan with Avenue can clarify, 1) how far along you are (to assess which abortion option(s) you’re eligible for), 2) where your pregnancy is located (so you can seek immediate medical assistance if the pregnancy is ectopic), and 3) your chances of miscarriage (in case it’s looking like the pregnancy will end on its own).  Scheduling a consultation is a great way to get accurate information about all your pregnancy options.  If you choose to tell your partner about the pregnancy later on, we can help you navigate this road and offer a safe, comfortable space for you and him to process next steps together.

Our expert staff at Avenue is here to provide unconditional emotional support, no matter where your path leads.  But, on the front end of this pregnancy decision, we recommend taking steps from a foundation of strength rather than fear.  You have what it takes to make your own best choice… whether or not it triggers a difficult reaction in others.  We’re here to support you from the first steps of your pregnancy journey and beyond.

Reach out to ask about our free services!  We aim to equip you with the tools you need to make a confident pregnancy decision. 

*If your partner’s behavior is causing you to feel unsafe, call 911 or seek help from someone you trust immediately.

The information provided here is general in nature.  It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center.  If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention.  Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.