Merriam-Webster defines “noncommittal” as, “giving no clear indication of attitude or feeling,” or, “having no clear or distinctive character.” Dictionary.com describes it as, “not committing oneself… to a particular view, course, or the like.” Maybe you feel like “noncommittal” is a fitting description of your partner. Dealing with this kind of attitude can be hurtful and frustrating, but especially so in a time of high stress. Perhaps the two of you are trying to cope with an unexpected pregnancy right now. If so, you probably feel like your partner’s support is needed now more than ever. What do you do if he’s just not willing to “show up” and reassure you that he intends to stay by your side, come what may?
Do you feel like your partner isn’t dedicated to your relationship, or to supporting you with this pregnancy? Perhaps he struggles to keep commitments in general. Maybe you’re not sure where he stands, because he’s been mysterious about his feelings and intentions so far. If any of this sounds familiar, you might not trust your partner to be a faithful ally throughout your pregnancy journey. Avenue Women’s Center is in your corner as you manage these circumstances alongside him and others in your life. We’re here to support you, whether you face this journey with your partner or you move forward on your own. Either way, you won’t be alone.
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Opening a Dialogue
If you feel safe approaching your partner about your pregnancy, it may be wise to start by initiating a dialogue with him. Here are a few simple tips, if you decide to go that route:
- Choose a time and place that’s private and free of distractions.
- Take steps to create a calm head space before you begin the conversation, and try to gauge his frame of mind as well.
- Let him know that you’re genuinely interested in hearing his thoughts and feelings about the pregnancy. Be honest about your own feelings, and empathize with any emotions or concerns he may choose to share.
- You might consider opening the discussion by saying something like, “This pregnancy has been a lot for me to process. I can imagine that you probably feel similarly. Would you mind sharing what this has been like for you? I really value your input.”
This may need to be an ongoing dialogue that takes place over the course of several days or weeks. However, as you and your partner get comfortable having these conversations, it will likely become clearer if he’s in this with you for the long haul… regardless of the pregnancy decision you make.
He’s Responsible for His Reaction
Your partner may be treating you and your pregnancy situation with a noncommittal attitude for all kinds of complex reasons. His motivations may be selfish, or may stem from emotional/relational immaturity. It’s very possible that he’s trying to mask deep pain or fear (whether he realizes it or not). He may struggle to express himself under stress or need more time to consider the future. Regardless, he’s responsible for his response to your pregnancy and your conversations. You can’t control his reaction. And you’re not accountable for his behavior. All you can do is try to create a safe space for him, and do what you think is best, even if he disagrees.
Choosing the Right Motivation
For your part, it’s really important not to let your partner’s motives get in the driver’s seat of your pregnancy decision… whether you end up choosing abortion, adoption, or parenting. A confident and well-grounded choice will be based on your own values, beliefs, instincts, feelings, and desires. It’s only natural that you would want and need some extra practical and emotional support right now. If your partner isn’t ready or willing to give it, this may be a painful realization that involves a grieving process… and that’s okay. Whatever the outcome, know that there are other valuable sources of support available. There are caring people out there who can process your next steps by your side, with empathy and neutrality.
If you’re, “exploring abortion because he’s (fill in the blank),” now may be a good time to reassess what’s motivating your pregnancy decision, and whether or not it aligns with your needs and desires. You deserve your partner’s support no matter what, through any changes in your situation or relationship. Avenue Women’s Center is here to encourage you whether you feel well-supported or completely isolated today. We offer free and confidential early pregnancy services, like options consultations and limited medical ultrasounds. Our goal is to empower you with the information you need to make a well-informed decision that’s driven by your own values and beliefs. We can provide referrals for additional resources you may need, including professional counselors, medical professionals, and more.
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References:
Dictionary.com. Noncommittal. Retrieved from: https://www.dictionary.com/browse/noncommittal
Merriam-Webster. Noncommittal. Retrieved from: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/noncommittal
The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.