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Facing an Unexpected Pregnancy With an Abusive Partner

If you find yourself fearful of your partner, feeling anxious about setting him off or finding it difficult to even leave the house without him trying to control you, these could be warning signs of an abusive relationship. Coupled with concerns about your own safety, perhaps you’ve recently learned about an unexpected pregnancy. You may be worried about how to get out of the situation you’re in, and one of your fears may be that a pregnancy will force you to stay with your partner. An abusive relationship can be damaging to your confidence and your self-esteem, and the abuse you’ve faced from your partner may have resulted in you doubting your ability to continue the pregnancy without him. How do you navigate an unexpected pregnancy when you have an abusive partner? 

Are you facing an unexpected pregnancy while you’re in a relationship with an abusive partner? Avenue Women’s Center provides women with support no matter their situation, and our six locations throughout DuPage County are here to assist you during what may be an emotional time. Our expert pregnancy consultants will listen to your story, taking the time to understand your unexpected pregnancy circumstances and providing the support you need. Contact us today for free assistance from our caring staff!

If you are in any physical danger from your partner, it’s important to call 911 right away.  Seek immediate help if there is ever any concern for your safety, or the safety of others. 

Abuse During Pregnancy

Experiencing abuse from your partner is scary at any time, much less when you are going through an unexpected pregnancy.  Whether the abuse started before the pregnancy or was a recent occurrence, it is important to begin to think about next steps.   

You may be wondering why your partner is treating you this way, especially while you are pregnant. He may be resentful or jealous of attention being shifted away from him due to your condition, or he is taking his frustrations about his increased responsibilities out on you. Remember that none of this is your fault, as these are only potential reasons as to why the abuse may be occurring. They are not excuses for your partner’s behavior, as abuse is never justifiable.

During an unexpected pregnancy, your physical and emotional state may be at risk. This is not meant to frighten, but if your partner is capable of violence, then this can lead to complications with the pregnancy. You do not have to wait for the abuse to rise to a certain level before you contact outside help. Yelling, name-calling, intimidation tactics, and threats are also forms of abuse, so try to acknowledge it as such and refrain from dismissing it as “not serious enough” to be considered mistreatment.

Moments of Calm Before the Storm

Abusive partners tend to be apologetic and charming afterwards, and perhaps he even does something nice as a way of asking for your forgiveness. He may buy you expensive things or take you somewhere he knows you like in an effort to earn your trust back, or there may even be periods where he dotes on you during the pregnancy. It’s normal to see this and hope the cycle of abuse has ended now that he has regained control of his temper, but this is not likely to be the case. In most relationships where someone is subjected to violence or verbal putdowns by their partner, it’s usually only a matter of time before the tension builds and the abuse starts up again.

How Can I Stay Safe?

Seek Help

Constructing a solid safety net around yourself is often a good thing to fall back on. Is there someone you can tell about the abuse and the unexpected pregnancy, such as a friend, relative, spiritual leader, counselor, or a pregnancy consultant? Letting as many people as possible know about the danger you’re in can help you figure out your next steps. The support you receive from loved ones or professional resources can potentially give you the confidence needed to call the police or a hotline.

Medical Treatment

A doctor often needs to know about an unexpected pregnancy, especially if you’re being abused, in order to assess your health. Since prenatal care appointments are often required, a doctor’s appointment may be a good opportunity to discuss what’s happening with your partner. If you decide to leave your relationship, a healthcare provider may be able to offer insights or referrals to assist in your plan.

Not Your Fault

Abusive partners have a way of casting doubts upon your ability to survive without them, and they may use the unexpected pregnancy as a way to try and control you. Your partner may attempt to convince you that you’re all alone, or that the situation is all your fault, but this is not true. If he tries to persuade you things will return to normal if you have an abortion, try not to let him influence you. Your partner should not be the reason why you follow through with one of your pregnancy options, as this usually comes from careful contemplation on your own time. You are not obligated to remain with him, and meeting with a pregnancy consultant may provide you with additional information and resources to help in your next steps. 

If you are in any physical danger from your partner, it’s important to call 911 right away.  Seek immediate help if there is ever any concern for your safety, or the safety of others. 

Avenue Women’s Center understands the fear of being pregnant while in an abusive relationship. Our trained staff members are here to help empower you during an unexpected pregnancy and equip you with services to assist in your decision-making process.  If you feel alone in your decision, our caring client advocates can provide support and confidential care. Contact us for a free appointment today!

The information provided here is general in nature.  It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center.  If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention.  Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.