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He Already Scheduled an Abortion

An unplanned pregnancy. It’s frightening, overwhelming. For both you and your partner. You anticipated it may be a challenge to your relationship. Suddenly it’s become even more challenging, because he already scheduled an abortion. Although sometimes a couple is on the same page with their decision about an unplanned pregnancy, it’s not unusual for there to be different perspectives or communication short-falls. If this is a situation you are facing, perhaps we can be of help.

For over thirty-five years, Avenue Women’s Center has been in operation in Chicagoland, offering information and services for those facing an unintended pregnancy. Each situation is unique; however, our years of working with women, men, and couples in difficult pregnancy circumstances have helped us with experience for the questions and concerns in front of you now. Our private pregnancy consultations are free and confidential. We invite you to contact us for an appointment with a caring, nonjudgmental pregnancy consultant at one of our five DuPage County locations.

When your partner schedules an abortion, it can cause mixed emotions for a woman. You might feel grateful that he’s helping. You don’t want to go through this alone. It’s good to know you have a guy who will step in and be involved. You also may appreciate that someone else is making decisions. It can be overwhelming to try processing through your pros and cons of a termination vs. carrying a pregnancy. There can be a sense of relief that “at least it’ll be over soon.” At the same time, we would caution you not to move forward before you’re sure you’re ready.

How can you know if YOU’RE not ready yet to move forward with an abortion?

Here are some warning signs that you’re not yet completely resolved on this:

  • Your feelings are still changing. One day you feel like you could be a parent; the next you think abortion is your only answer. You seem to keep second-guessing yourself and your decision.
  • You feel that your mind is telling you one thing, and your heart is telling you another.
  • It’s been less than two weeks since you found out about the pregnancy. It usually takes time to fully process a major life decision.
  • You haven’t told people you would always include on big events. If you usually consult your best friend or your mom, and you suspect you’d want their support to get through this but you haven’t told them yet, it might be wise to think about why you may be avoiding this conversation now.
  • You have questions about the procedure that you don’t know the answers to yet.

What if you’re NOT sure you’re ready to move forward with an abortion?

A hasty decision is not always the best decision, especially if its impact may be felt far into the future. For most decisions in life, you can change your mind afterwards and it’s usually possible to figure out a way to go back and modify the outcome. This is one of those rare exceptions that can’t be undone if you later regret the action you took. It may feel urgent at this moment, but it’s worth the time to give this thoughtful consideration. Give yourself the gift of time to really think it through in terms of its potential effect for you in a year, five years, or even farther down the road.

How might we be able to help you?

  • If a home pregnancy test was the source of your pregnancy information, we will provide you a free, medical-grade pregnancy test that is 99.5% accurate as long as it’s ten days or more since the time of conception. Over-the-counter tests are not always completely reliable, so to find out for sure will be an important first step.
  • Do you know enough about the differences between medication and surgical abortion to determine which would be your preference? Our experienced pregnancy consultants will provide for you the information about your options that you would need to make a choice.
  • Do you know what type of abortion you may be eligible for? A medication abortion can be performed until the 70th day (10 weeks) of pregnancy. An ultrasound is required for the accurate dating of the pregnancy. We can offer a free, limited ultrasound to determine how far along in the pregnancy you are. (Incidentally, our ultrasound may also help you know if the pregnancy is properly located, and whether it’s likely to continue. One in every five or six pregnancies ends naturally by itself through miscarriage. If there’s an indication that yours may end in this way, you could be saved the expense and the challenges that go along with the abortion procedure. If the ultrasound indicates it’s an ectopic pregnancy – one located outside the uterus – different medical attention will be needed.)
  • It can be helpful to talk with a compassionate outside individual (rather than a close friend or family member), who will share your concerns and can answer your questions more objectively. Because your decision may also impact others in your life, it’s possible their input – even when it’s well-meaning – might be influenced by what it could mean to them more than to you. Your decision needs to be your own, based on what will be best for you.
  • If you anticipate that further communication about this with your partner may be tough, perhaps we can share some suggestions for talking with him about the pregnancy.

At Avenue Women’s Center, we respect you and your needs, as individuals and as a couple. If he already scheduled an abortion and you think the conversation and decision-making still needs more time, one of our client advocates is ready to speak with you, or with him, or with both of you together, as an informed, neutral expert. We are here to walk with you as you navigate through this difficult time. You don’t need to go through it alone. We hope you will call, text, email or chat with us to arrange a time when we can meet.

The information provided here is general in nature.  It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center.  If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention.  Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.

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