Have you and your significant other recently discovered that you’re unexpectedly pregnant? Does he believe that you’re planning to parent, when you know this isn’t true? Maybe your partner made an incorrect assumption and hasn’t picked up on the hints you’ve been dropping. Perhaps you told him at some point that you wanted to continue the pregnancy, but you’ve changed your mind. No matter how these dynamics have developed, chances are, you’re feeling uncomfortable with the disconnect that’s taken place. Maybe you’re also feeling a little guilty that your partner doesn’t know your true plans (even if that’s on him for not listening well).
It’s normal for couples to go through communication rifts- sometimes, big ones- when coping with overwhelming circumstances like yours. With all the emotions, stressors, and decisions that you’re facing, it’s probably been hard to connect and process what you’re both experiencing. Know that it’s possible to re-align your perspective with your partner’s (if that’s what you want). Avenue Women’s Center is here to help you take your next best steps when it comes to your pregnancy journey and your support network. We offer free and confidential first-step services with the goal of equipping you to make an informed decision, free of barriers.
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Approaching Your Plans with Your Partner
Ultimately, a decision for abortion, adoption, or parenting is in your hands. When we speak of “re-aligning your perspective with your partner’s,” we don’t mean going along with his desires just for the sake of restoring harmony in your relationship. We do mean being transparent with him about your feelings. (And you may need to be pretty direct for it to really sink in). In most situations, it’s healthy for a woman to be open with her partner about her emotions and intentions surrounding a pregnancy. Here are a few reasons why.
- Processing difficult circumstances out loud can help us better understand our own feelings and gain insight into our next best steps. If you don’t feel comfortable having a transparent conversation with your partner right now, consider confiding in someone else who is trustworthy, respectful, caring, and honest.
- There’s a lot that your partner may be able to offer, like his own insights as well as practical and emotional support. Chances are, he’ll be best equipped to support you and your pregnancy journey if he knows where you really stand.
- Expressing your feelings and intentions now will likely be the healthiest thing for your relationship in the long run. Unless you believe the relationship may end soon, your partner will eventually find out which pregnancy outcome you chose. He may feel hurt and misled if your plans weren’t made clear before your decision. Telling him sooner rather than later will allow you to avoid this perception and offer him the time he may need to process the next phase of this journey.
*In some situations, it’s healthy and appropriate to avoid telling a partner one’s true intentions regarding a pregnancy decision. This may be the case for someone who is experiencing abuse and has concerns that sharing her plans would put her safety at risk. If this sounds like your situation, it’s critical to prioritize your personal safety while accessing support. Help is available! If you believe that your physical safety or someone else’s is at risk, call 911 immediately. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you think you may be in an abusive relationship. The Hotline is free, confidential, and available 24/7.
*Avenue Women’s Center does not provide direct domestic abuse services. In addition to providing first-step pregnancy services, we offer referrals for individuals who need domestic abuse support. We can also provide information on additional resources, including healthcare resources.
Before You Follow Through
Before you follow through with your pregnancy decision (for abortion, adoption, or parenting), consider taking these critical steps. Doing so will allow you to protect your own health and safety while pursuing the option that you’ve settled on.
- Take a medical-grade pregnancy test to clarify if you’re pregnant and/or to confirm a home pregnancy test.
- Learn about the processes and risks involved with each of your pregnancy options from a neutral, reliable source. Consider the potential challenges and benefits of each. Process your personal feelings regarding abortion, adoption, and parenting.
- Get an ultrasound to confirm key information about your pregnancy, like where it’s located (to rule out an ectopic pregnancy- located outside of the uterus- which would require immediate medical attention) and how far along you are (to determine which option(s) would be medically appropriate for you at this stage).
- Consult a doctor (ideally, one who’s familiar with your medical history). All pregnancy options involve a significant medical process, and there may be important safety considerations that need to be discussed with a qualified medical professional.
Avenue Women’s Center provides medical-grade pregnancy tests, options consultations, and limited medical ultrasounds, all free of charge. If you need help getting in touch with a doctor or establishing care, we can offer referrals to assist with this. At Avenue, we put women’s health front-and-center. One of the many ways we do this is by equipping individuals with the tools they need to make informed decisions while offering unconditional emotional support. If you feel like your partner’s expectations don’t match your reality, or if you just need a listening ear, we’re here for you. A knowledgeable and compassionate staff member is ready and waiting to answer your questions.
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The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.