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Pregnant and Hoping for a Miscarriage

When you aren’t planning on becoming pregnant, a positive test result can be the last thing you want to see. Maybe you’re already a parent and feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you’re having trouble making ends meet, or you’re too young to afford parenting. You could be in a struggling or complicated relationship. Or perhaps you thought you were infertile and it’s not the right time in your life to be pregnant. Whatever your individual situation, you might find yourself wishing you didn’t have to face a pregnancy decision and hoping to miscarry.

If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, it can be overwhelming to begin the first steps towards making a pregnancy decision. Avenue Women’s Center offers free medical-grade pregnancy tests and private pregnancy consultations as your first steps when find out you may be pregnant. Discuss your options in a nonjudgmental and confidential environment with one of our caring client advocates today. Call, chat, text, or email us to set up your appointment at one of our five locations in the DuPage County area.

If you are hoping for a miscarriage, it’s likely that you’re feeling torn between the options of carrying the pregnancy to term and abortion. Your heart could be saying yes to continuing the pregnancy while your head is saying no and leaning towards abortion. You could feel stuck in the middle of a tough decision and hoping a miscarriage would alleviate you from having to choose. Rather than wishing away your pregnancy decision, take a step out of the possible whirlwind you feel caught inside and try to give yourself the tools to decide.

First, forgive yourself for your feelings …

Know that you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling. Hoping for a miscarriage is actually common among women who aren’t planning on pregnancy. They might not want to be a parent at this time, while also not wishing to go through with an abortion or an adoption. You might feel guilt, shame, or fear as you hope your pregnancy will end in miscarriage so that you don’t have to choose. Everyone has unique life situations and different ways of thinking and feeling, and there is no specific or exact way you should or should not feel. It can be easy to come down hard on yourself with harsh judgement or inner criticism, but it’s important to forgive yourself and recognize that your feelings are understandable.

Then, learn more to better understand your options …

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), “early pregnancy loss is common.” Approximately one in five to six pregnancies end in miscarriage. There are different ways you can learn about your chances of miscarrying, as well as different signs, treatments, and types of miscarriages. Every woman’s body responds differently to pregnancy, and there are several unique factors that contribute to a pregnancy’s continuation for each individual. Have you learned if your pregnancy is viable yet? Having an ultrasound exam can help determine if your pregnancy is likely to end in miscarriage or continue. Learning the facts about your pregnancy can help shed light on your possible options and outcomes.

If you are pregnant and hoping for a miscarriage, it can be helpful to explore your pregnancy options in a judgement-free atmosphere. Avenue Women’s Center understands that each woman has her own unique situation, and our compassionate and understanding staff is here to support you in the first steps of an unplanned pregnancy. Avenue offers accurate pregnancy tests and confidential pregnancy consultations at no cost, as well as limited medical ultrasounds for qualifying clients to help you learn the viability of your pregnancy. Our goal is to meet your individual needs as you make your best pregnancy decision. Contact us today for an appointment at one of our locations in Elmhurst, Glen Ellyn/Lombard, Naperville, West Chicago, or Wood Dale.


References:

  • American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). (2015, August). Early Pregnancy Loss, FAQ090. Retrieved from: https://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Early-Pregnancy-Loss.
  • Mayo Clinic. (2016, July). Miscarriage. Retrieved from: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pregnancy-loss-miscarriage/symptoms-causes/syc-20354298.

Reviewed by Patricia Kuenzi, APN-CNP, MSN, ANP, PNP.

The information provided here is general in nature.  It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center.  If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention.  Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.

6 responses to ““I’m Pregnant and Hoping for a Miscarriage”

    1. Hi there! Thank you for your comment- I’m so glad this topic spoke to you! It’s very normal and completely understandable to feel torn. Please feel free to call or text the phone number at the top of this page and learn more about our free early pregnancy services! Our expert staff members at Avenue are here to offer information about your pregnancy and your options, so you can receive support and clarity. It can also be helpful to process your situation with a caring advocate by your side.

  1. I am in my 3rd pregnancy. I have one child who is 4 and had a miscarriage. My mother in law is dying of stage 4 lung cancer and probably won’t live to see this baby. I feel guilty even telling her im pregnant cause it’s another grandchild’s life she’ll miss. I hate being pregnant and miss my body to myself. I’m an alcoholic too and resent that I can’t drink and am miserable sober. I don’t really want to give up a year of my life though don’t believe in abortion and I’m scared to have 2 children. I’m 35 now and admittedly dont want a child with downs or autism which I have an increased chance of now. It feels…like miscarriage would be the best but with all these symptoms of pregnancy I know it won’t happen. Also found myself wanting the child I miscarried more than one and pregnant with. I hate myself and wish I’d never been born.

    1. Nicole
      Let me start by saying thank you – thank you for your vulnerability and courageousness in sharing all that you’re going through. You’re stronger than you may realize. I cannot begin to imagine all that you’re feeling and experiencing – but I would love to walk alongside you through it. I personally have experienced a miscarriage and know how hard that can be to go through, whether or not a pregnancy is hoped for/expected. Can you give us a call or shoot us a text at the number at the top of the screen here? You’re not alone and we want to help. Whether that’s with a free ultrasound to check your risk of miscarriage, to help you walk through your pregnancy options, or to help with some referrals as you take steps forward day by day…You have too much on your shoulders – let us help take some of the load. Really hope we hear from you soon – Lindsay, Assistant Director of Client Services

      Disclaimer – if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, please call 988 immediately to speak with someone at the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

  2. I am 44 and my husband just turned 54. We have been happily married for almost three years. I have a 15 year old son with high functioning autism from my first marriage and he has a 29 year old son from his first marriage. We discussed having a child together when we first got married but decided that we are too old and looking forward to being empty nesters.
    We just discover we are unexpectedly pregnant. We were initially nothing other than surprised and excited. But soon reality after reality hit. Health risks to both me and the baby, high risk of multiplies because of my age, risk of c-section, the demands of my job, the thought of raising another atypical child but this time much older, finances, on and on.
    After talking to our doctor we terminating next week. We are heartbroken which I know sounds weird since we are choosing to make this decision. However, my husband and I think of pro-life as the whole life of the child not just having a baby or not. The reality is we can not give this child a life that we desire for it in a world that we are growing more and more unsure of.
    I find it both interesting and sad that abortion has become such a this or that, black and white, right or left decision because it so rarely is. Like most things in life it lives in the grey area. I know I will get blasted for writing this by some but I’m also hoping some maybe walk away with a new perspective. Unplanned pregnancy is never easy no matter the age, circumstances or outcome of that pregnancy.

    1. Hi Amathea, thank you so much for trusting us with your story. You’re absolutely right that it is a complex decision and I’m so glad that you and your husband were able to process that with each other and with your doctor. One of our goals as pregnancy consultants is to provide that safe space for women or couples to process and to receive information on all the possible options. We also provide limited medical ultrasounds so people can find out about the chance of miscarriage for the pregnancy, which can be especially beneficial for women who don’t already have a doctor. If you’re in the Chicago area and interested in an ultrasound, or if we can assist you with other support, please reach out to the number at the top of the page.

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