When you aren’t planning on becoming pregnant, a positive test result can be the last thing you want to see. Maybe you’re already a parent and feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you’re having trouble making ends meet, or you’re too young to afford parenting. You could be in a struggling or complicated relationship. Or perhaps you thought you were infertile and it’s not the right time in your life to be pregnant. Whatever your individual situation, you might find yourself wishing you didn’t have to face a pregnancy decision and hoping to miscarry.
If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, it can be overwhelming to begin the first steps towards making a pregnancy decision. Avenue Women’s Center offers free medical-grade pregnancy tests and private pregnancy consultations as your first steps when find out you may be pregnant. Discuss your options in a nonjudgmental and confidential environment with one of our caring client advocates today. Call, chat, text, or email us to set up your appointment at one of our five locations in the DuPage County area.
If you are hoping for a miscarriage, it’s likely that you’re feeling torn between the options of carrying the pregnancy to term and abortion. Your heart could be saying yes to continuing the pregnancy while your head is saying no and leaning towards abortion. You could feel stuck in the middle of a tough decision and hoping a miscarriage would alleviate you from having to choose. Rather than wishing away your pregnancy decision, take a step out of the possible whirlwind you feel caught inside and try to give yourself the tools to decide.
First, forgive yourself for your feelings …
Know that you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling. Hoping for a miscarriage is actually common among women who aren’t planning on pregnancy. They might not want to be a parent at this time, while also not wishing to go through with an abortion or an adoption. You might feel guilt, shame, or fear as you hope your pregnancy will end in miscarriage so that you don’t have to choose. Everyone has unique life situations and different ways of thinking and feeling, and there is no specific or exact way you should or should not feel. It can be easy to come down hard on yourself with harsh judgement or inner criticism, but it’s important to forgive yourself and recognize that your feelings are understandable.
Then, learn more to better understand your options …
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), “early pregnancy loss is common.” Approximately one in five to six pregnancies end in miscarriage. There are different ways you can learn about your chances of miscarrying, as well as different signs, treatments, and types of miscarriages. Every woman’s body responds differently to pregnancy, and there are several unique factors that contribute to a pregnancy’s continuation for each individual. Have you learned if your pregnancy is viable yet? Having an ultrasound exam can help determine if your pregnancy is likely to end in miscarriage or continue. Learning the facts about your pregnancy can help shed light on your possible options and outcomes.
If you are pregnant and hoping for a miscarriage, it can be helpful to explore your pregnancy options in a judgement-free atmosphere. Avenue Women’s Center understands that each woman has her own unique situation, and our compassionate and understanding staff is here to support you in the first steps of an unplanned pregnancy. Avenue offers accurate pregnancy tests and confidential pregnancy consultations at no cost, as well as limited medical ultrasounds for qualifying clients to help you learn the viability of your pregnancy. Our goal is to meet your individual needs as you make your best pregnancy decision. Contact us today for an appointment at one of our locations in Elmhurst, Glen Ellyn/Lombard, Naperville, West Chicago, or Wood Dale.
References:
- American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). (2015, August). Early Pregnancy Loss, FAQ090. Retrieved from: https://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Early-Pregnancy-Loss.
- Mayo Clinic. (2016, July). Miscarriage. Retrieved from: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pregnancy-loss-miscarriage/symptoms-causes/syc-20354298.
Reviewed by Patricia Kuenzi, APN-CNP, MSN, ANP, PNP.
The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.
I feel like this was just the article i was looking for. I do feel very torn
Hi there! Thank you for your comment- I’m so glad this topic spoke to you! It’s very normal and completely understandable to feel torn. Please feel free to call or text the phone number at the top of this page and learn more about our free early pregnancy services! Our expert staff members at Avenue are here to offer information about your pregnancy and your options, so you can receive support and clarity. It can also be helpful to process your situation with a caring advocate by your side.
I am in my 3rd pregnancy. I have one child who is 4 and had a miscarriage. My mother in law is dying of stage 4 lung cancer and probably won’t live to see this baby. I feel guilty even telling her im pregnant cause it’s another grandchild’s life she’ll miss. I hate being pregnant and miss my body to myself. I’m an alcoholic too and resent that I can’t drink and am miserable sober. I don’t really want to give up a year of my life though don’t believe in abortion and I’m scared to have 2 children. I’m 35 now and admittedly dont want a child with downs or autism which I have an increased chance of now. It feels…like miscarriage would be the best but with all these symptoms of pregnancy I know it won’t happen. Also found myself wanting the child I miscarried more than one and pregnant with. I hate myself and wish I’d never been born.
Nicole
Let me start by saying thank you – thank you for your vulnerability and courageousness in sharing all that you’re going through. You’re stronger than you may realize. I cannot begin to imagine all that you’re feeling and experiencing – but I would love to walk alongside you through it. I personally have experienced a miscarriage and know how hard that can be to go through, whether or not a pregnancy is hoped for/expected. Can you give us a call or shoot us a text at the number at the top of the screen here? You’re not alone and we want to help. Whether that’s with a free ultrasound to check your risk of miscarriage, to help you walk through your pregnancy options, or to help with some referrals as you take steps forward day by day…You have too much on your shoulders – let us help take some of the load. Really hope we hear from you soon – Lindsay, Assistant Director of Client Services
Disclaimer – if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, please call 988 immediately to speak with someone at the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
I am 44 and my husband just turned 54. We have been happily married for almost three years. I have a 15 year old son with high functioning autism from my first marriage and he has a 29 year old son from his first marriage. We discussed having a child together when we first got married but decided that we are too old and looking forward to being empty nesters.
We just discover we are unexpectedly pregnant. We were initially nothing other than surprised and excited. But soon reality after reality hit. Health risks to both me and the baby, high risk of multiplies because of my age, risk of c-section, the demands of my job, the thought of raising another atypical child but this time much older, finances, on and on.
After talking to our doctor we terminating next week. We are heartbroken which I know sounds weird since we are choosing to make this decision. However, my husband and I think of pro-life as the whole life of the child not just having a baby or not. The reality is we can not give this child a life that we desire for it in a world that we are growing more and more unsure of.
I find it both interesting and sad that abortion has become such a this or that, black and white, right or left decision because it so rarely is. Like most things in life it lives in the grey area. I know I will get blasted for writing this by some but I’m also hoping some maybe walk away with a new perspective. Unplanned pregnancy is never easy no matter the age, circumstances or outcome of that pregnancy.
Hi Amathea, thank you so much for trusting us with your story. You’re absolutely right that it is a complex decision and I’m so glad that you and your husband were able to process that with each other and with your doctor. One of our goals as pregnancy consultants is to provide that safe space for women or couples to process and to receive information on all the possible options. We also provide limited medical ultrasounds so people can find out about the chance of miscarriage for the pregnancy, which can be especially beneficial for women who don’t already have a doctor. If you’re in the Chicago area and interested in an ultrasound, or if we can assist you with other support, please reach out to the number at the top of the page.
I’m finally with the love of my life at 32 years old. I know without a shadow of a doubt we will be married or at least spend the rest of our lives together. Iam so blessed, WE are so blessed.
Last month we unexpectedly became pregnant and at first we were delighted. He is still beyond joyful while everyday I grow more disdain, remorse, resentful, depressed and infuriated. ..You name it.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother but prior to this relationship I’ve been in hardcore abusive relationships and came to the realization I may never have the family I’ve desired since I was a child. Plus working full time at a daycare for 10+ years opened my eyes to a lot of things.
My partner is absolutely perfect but I struggle with my own health conditions. I have severe hypothyroidism and I’m currently diagnosed with ocd, ptsd, depression, anxiety and recovered from self harm. I’m trying my best to find peace in my body and mind through therapy sessions, meditation and potentially going back on antidepressants. I want to be better, feel better.
I thought having this unplanned pregnancy would lift my spirits but unfortunately it’s only bringing me down. EXTREMELY DOWN.
My partner doesn’t believe in abortion but will support whatever decision I make, but I’m scared whichever I choose because at the end of it all a piece of me will be gone.
I feel utterly alone even though I know Iam not. I feel so guilty and it’s hard to get through this transition. I’m unsure what to do.
Hi Sam!
Thank you for sharing your story with us! It sounds like you’ve been through some really challenging relationships and experiences, but you’ve persevered through them and taken steps to care for your mental health. That takes a lot of courage!
It also sounds like you see a future with your partner, which is wonderful. But it’s clear you’re having some difficult, complex feelings about the pregnancy. I am so sorry to hear this has been a struggle for you.
I am not a medical professional, and I cannot speak to matters concerning mental health, but it sounds like you’re processing a lot right now and may benefit from some added support. Reaching out to your therapist or a licensed mental health provider is an important next step. Avenue Women’s Center does not provide mental health services, but we do offer support around early pregnancy decisions. Avenue is a limited medical clinic that offers free first-step pregnancy services like medical grade pregnancy tests, limited medical ultrasounds, and options consultations in the Chicagoland area. Our goal at Avenue is to empower persons by helping them access accurate information about their pregnancy, their options, and their resources. Although our medical services are limited and we do not provide mental health care, we can help persons connect with those kinds of resources.
You can reach out to us through the contact information at the top of this page. Please feel free to text or call!
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, contact 911, a mental health professional, or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (by dialing 988) right away.
I recently learned im pregnant at 23. It was unplanned but we knew the risks of having unprotected sex. Ive been with my partner 5 years and it has been a turbulant relationship to say the least. For the last 4 years ive been struggling with my health, was having extreme migraines, seizures that doctors couldnt identify a cause for, food intollerance, and high blood pressure. Im also technically obese (bmi is 33) and in the last year i lost 25 pounds and have alleviated alot of my health issues but im scared im going to gain all the weight back and my health will decline again. Im also scared of preeclampsia and pulmonary embolism and all the number of complications that can occur with a healthy pregnancy let alone a pregnancy for someone in my condition. I also feel unready to give up my individuality and my body when ive only just started getting comfortable with myself. I dont believe in abortion and my partner is thrilled to death to be a father. I feel so guilty because I sometimes find myself wishing I would just have a miscarraige. Getting pregnant made me realize i dont think i want this. But then im also scared everytime i feel a twinge in my uterus or have a day where i dont have all day morning sickness because both our families already know and i dont want to be seen as less than a woman or incapable. I wasnt healthy enough to get pregnant for 5 years, the first year i am finally getting healthy I get pregnant. Im scared im going to die in childbirth, I dreamt of having a miscarraige early on. Ive dreamt of having a placental ebruption. And im just scared.
My partner lived in a different state due to financial issues and i just feel isolated, scared, and alone. . . I guess i just wanted somewhere to share my feelings.
Hi Paige! Thank you for sharing your story! It sounds like you’ve had a lot to overcome over the past several years. You’ve persevered through many challenges, and you continue to be mindful of your personal wellness. That’s so admirable! It also sounds like you’ve been wrestling with a lot of anxiety about your health since you first learned you were unexpectedly pregnant, and have other complex feelings around this pregnancy. As you know, it can be especially difficult to face circumstances like these when you’re physically separated from your partner and feeling alone. Connecting with someone caring and trustworthy would be an excellent next step. That may be a family member, mentor, or professional counselor. Our expert staff at Avenue Women’s Center is here for you too! We provide no-cost pregnancy consultations virtually and in-person at our six locations in Chicagoland. This would be an opportunity to process your unexpected pregnancy and pregnancy decision with a knowledgeable consultant. We’re available to have a dialogue about all your pregnancy options, help you connect with resources, and provide emotional support in a relaxed, confidential setting. Please call the number at the top of this page to schedule an appointment!
I am 31 and in a perfectly happy marriage. It’s always just been us and our dog and we didn’t plan to have children. Child free by choice and happy with our decision. I have PTSD and PCOS, along with other severe health issues, depression, and anxiety and for 11 years we haven’t had one scare. When I’m in the thick of physical and mental torture, we get pregnant and I feel so hopeless. I have no desire to be a mother, to be responsible for another human being. I have been in survival mode my whole life and I’m trying to work through my trauma and find calm and slowness. My husband is so happy and excited and I feel trapped and violated. I can’t abort his baby, but I do not want it. I feel so guilty hoping for a miscarriage…
Hi Raven, thank you for reaching out to us! It sounds like you’re facing some really stressful circumstances, and I’m so sorry to hear this. An unexpected pregnancy can be especially difficult to cope with regardless of the circumstances.
I am not sure where things stand with your pregnancy (if it’s been confirmed, how far along you are, if you’ve had an ultrasound to assess the possibility of miscarriage, etc.). But it sounds like seeking some additional support would be beneficial to you. Avenue Women’s Center provides free early pregnancy services (like medical-grade pregnancy tests, options consultations, and limited medical ultrasounds) to help women find clarity. We’re here to listen, inform, and support. Avenue is limited in the scope of medical services we offer, and we do not provide mental health care, but our pregnancy consultants and nurses are available to be a part of your support network. Please call the number at the top of this page to speak with a staff member about whether our services may be helpful to you!
(If you need mental health support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional in your area. If you believe you’re experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 911 or visit you nearest emergency room.)
I read everyone’s story in tears. I can relate so much. It’s a web of complex feelings you’d never be able to find a definitive answer. I’m 41 and in a happy marriage. I planned for this pregnancy and now I’m 10 weeks pregnant. Morning sickness has been brutal. My face turned purple and I pee in my pants when the vomit is so powerful. All day nausea makes me want to walk into traffic. After puking 8 times a day and lying on the bathroom floor I now understand what pregnancy and birth really entails, and feel very stupid I didn’t consider any of these before. I now wonder if I’m simply too old for this. I’m pre diabetic and my thyroid is not working. This feels like giving my life to making life. Sure, I can sacrifice it all and carry this pregnancy to term regardless. But is that really a good call? I will have gestational diabetes and in years will turn to type 2 diabetes. When I’m 50 my kid will be 8. Can I really keep up with the demands of a kid? My husband -the most wonderful human, has autism and it’s likely it ll be passed down, if so can I really look after the special needs young child while I’m aging. I wish I could go back in a Time Machine, I’d be happy just to devote the rest of my life to look after my husband and our pets. I was very happy. Now I’m miserable 24/7.
Hi Nancy, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story! My heart aches for you. It sounds like you’ve been experiencing some very severe symptoms, and like you’re second-guessing this choice to get pregnant based on a few different factors. You mentioned that this feels like “a web of complex feelings,” and I think that can be such an accurate description for individuals going through a mental and emotional process like yours.
I am not a medical professional, and I’m not sure if you’re already receiving prenatal care, but it sounds like seeking help from a doctor would be an important next step if you haven’t done so already. A medical professional could potentially help you identify how to best treat pregnancy symptoms and assess how long they may last (symptoms like nausea often lessen later on in the pregnancy). Communicating with a doctor about these symptoms will also equip you to safeguard your own health, especially since it sounds like you have some pre-existing medical conditions. Getting an ultrasound may also be a really helpful step in the near future. This could provide more information about your pregnancy, including the possibility of miscarriage. The probability of miscarriage does increase with age.
Avenue is a limited medical clinic that provides early pregnancy services at no cost, including limited medical ultrasounds and options consultations. Our scope of services does not include ongoing prenatal care. But it sounds like you may benefit from speaking with an Avenue pregnancy consultant, who can process these challenging circumstances by your side, provide accurate information on your pregnancy options, and perhaps help you learn about available resources. We have six locations in Chicagoland, and we provide virtual consultations! It sounds like you have a great supporter in your husband, which is amazing. We’d love to provide you with ongoing practical and emotional support as well. Please call or text the number at the top of this page to speak with a caring team member!
*If you believe you may be experiencing a medical emergency, or if you’re having any thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please call 911 immediately.*