Kayla and her boyfriend will be celebrating their one year anniversary this weekend. They have a special day planned, and can’t wait to celebrate! As the weekend approaches, Kayla realizes she hasn’t gotten her period. Now that she thinks about it, she has been feeling kind of sick lately. “It can’t be!” Kayla thinks to herself. She rushes to the grocery store, purchases a pregnancy test, and heads straight to the bathroom. “These are the longest minutes of my life!” she thinks. As she watches the test, she can see two lines slowly and faintly start to appear. Kayla’s next thought comes quickly: “I’m pregnant. How do I tell my boyfriend?”
Avenue Women’s Center provides pregnancy support to women in the western suburbs of Chicago. If you might benefit from our support as you navigate your situation, please contact us today.
Unexpected pregnancies are always tough to face. Even when in an established relationship, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed at the thought of telling your boyfriend. You hardly know how you’re reacting to the news. How will he react? Will there be fear, anger, resentment… joy? What will be the impact to your future as a couple? How will you get onto the same page in the decision? These are just a few of the many concerns you may be wading through. We hope the following tips will provide you with positive ideas as you decide what to do next.
Tips for Telling A Boyfriend You’re Pregnant:
- Be aware of timing. We know, it’s hard enough to find time together… and he’s going to sense something is wrong… but, as much as possible, strive to share your news at a “better” time. Is it possible to choose a setting where the two of you can talk privately, face-to-face? …after a day that hasn’t already been stressful and difficult? Life doesn’t always allow for the perfect setting, but giving yourselves the best possible timing does make a difference.
- Know how you’ll start. Getting started can be the hardest part. Clients have told us that having a rough plan was really helpful. Maybe your plan will be your tone: “I’m going to be calm and clear.” Maybe you’ll start by reminding him (and yourself) that you’ve built a good relationship and you can get through anything together. It’s helpful when you can have confidence in how you’ll launch the conversation.
- Tell your boyfriend what you need. “I want to process some news with you, but I don’t want to jump to any decisions today.” “I have to tell you something, and I’m probably going to cry, and if you could just sit with me, that’d be great.” Telling him what you need may help him to react in a supportive way. At the very least, it’ll help you know what your own expectations are.
- Provide him with facts. You know more than he does. When did you find out? How far along do you think you might be? What have you researched? Do you already have a sense of what you may want to do with the pregnancy? Some guys throw a bombardment of questions as they try to take in a situation. He may want you to bring him up to speed. At the same time, you don’t need to apologize for anything you don’t know yet. Gathering facts takes time. Just do the best you can.
- Give your boyfriend grace. As long as he’s not threatening, try to stay calm as he responds. It may take him some time to talk about the situation and his feelings. Some guys step away. Other guys react verbally. If you’re able, try to listen. At this stage, you don’t need to react and argue his points. If you already have a sense of what your pregnancy decision will be, you don’t need to present it as a “done deal.” When the news is fresh, you’ll both be on an emotional roller coaster for a while. There’s time to listen and reflect. Decisions can come later.
- Stand firm. Is your boyfriend one to take control? There are plenty of situations where that is a helpful trait. But a pregnancy decision will impact both of you for a lifetime. You need space to carefully process through your emotions (which will change day by day) and your options. Even if your boyfriend feels confident in what’s best for you, make sure that you take all the time you want. You do not need to make excuses for this. “It’s a big decision, and I can’t be rushed with it.” “I’m glad you’re confident, and I’ll get there too, but I’m not ready yet.”
- Visit Avenue Women’s Center. We had to include this point! Seriously, we are here to provide a safe and confidential place for you as you figure out your next steps. We offer free pregnancy tests, private consultations, and our full support. Our pregnancy consultants are here to help you, whether alone or with a boyfriend.
We know it can be hard to choose where to go when you’re dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. It’s even hard to pick up the phone. Please remember that we are here to help. We hope you will call or text us soon.The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.