Are you facing an unexpected pregnancy, and feeling hesitant to tell your partner because you’re afraid of his response? (As if the news of an unexpected pregnancy wasn’t scary enough on its own.) Maybe you’re worried that he’ll blame you and lash out, possibly even causing physical harm. Perhaps you’re anxious about him disagreeing with your leanings on your pregnancy options (abortion, adoption, and parenting). Your mind is probably spinning with other questions about the future of your relationship and your next best steps concerning the pregnancy. No matter how confusing and overwhelming your circumstances are, no matter how isolated you feel, know that you’re not alone. Support is available.
Partner violence can be a very difficult subject to broach. But having safe, honest conversations about violent or manipulative behavior is key to overcoming it, both on an individual and a community level. If you’re experiencing an unexpected pregnancy, know that you can always find a safe refuge in Avenue Women’s Center. We’re a first-step pregnancy clinic that provides confidential services at no cost.
Learn more about Avenue! We offer free medical-grade pregnancy tests, options consultations, limited medical ultrasounds, and more.
First and Foremost…
When it comes to your relationship and your pregnancy, your own safety must always be priority number-one. It’s important to know your rights. A decision for abortion, adoption, or parenting belongs to you, and you’re under no obligation to tell your partner about the pregnancy. Each individual must choose for herself when and how to share her pregnancy news, and who to share it with, if she chooses to disclose this information at all. Every set of circumstances is unique. If you believe that talking with your partner about your pregnancy is the right step for you, and you’re afraid this could put your safety at risk, it’s critical to have a safety plan in place before you begin this dialogue.
*If you believe that your physical safety or someone else’s is at risk, call 911 immediately. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you think you may be in an abusive relationship. The Hotline is free, confidential, and available 24/7.
Important Measures to Take
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline), some abusive partners will use the circumstances of a pregnancy to gain control over their significant others’ reproductive decision-making. It’s a tactic known as, “reproductive coercion,” and it may be happening to you if your partner is shaming you for wanting to have kids (or not wanting to have kids) (The Hotline). Consider taking these important steps! They could be extremely useful for any person whose safety is at risk, whether or not she’s pregnant.
- Build a healthy support network. Early pregnancy is an appropriate time to establish care with a health care provider, like an OB-GYN. A trusted family member, professional counselor, or pregnancy consultant could support you in many additional ways. These “pillars” of your support system may offer emotional support, provide safety tips, and make plans for ongoing communication without the interference of your partner (The Hotline).
- Take steps to protect your privacy. If you’re concerned that your partner may be monitoring your communications and activities, use devices that he doesn’t have access to, like a go phone or work computer (The Hotline).
- Create a customized safety plan. If you live with your partner, map out the quickest and safest routes to exit your home (taking any physical limitations related to your pregnancy into account). Avoid areas of your home with weapons, hard surfaces, and stairs as much as you can. You might also consider keeping cash and important belongings in a packed bag in case you need to leave quickly. Prepare a short list of safe people who could give you a ride or shelter if needed. These tips barely scratch the surface. Further steps could be taken to safeguard your emotional and financial health (The Hotline). Relocating to a secure housing site is always an option as well.
Safety is a human right. If you don’t feel safe approaching your partner with news of your pregnancy, it’s time to get help from a trustworthy source. Consider contacting Avenue Women’s Center. We provide free and confidential limited medical services to help you get key information about your pregnancy. We’re also here to educate you on available resources in your community, including safety information. (Note: we do not provide direct domestic violence services.)
Call, text, chat, email or stop by one of our five Avenue clinics! We promise you’ll be greeted with warmth and compassion by our expert staff.
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References:
National Domestic Violence Hotline. How to Stay Physically, Emotionally, and Financially Safe During Pregnancy. Retrieved from: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/staying-physically-emotionally-and-financially-safe-during-pregnancy/
National Domestic Violence Hotline. Prenatal and Early Pregnancy Tips for Staying Safe. Retrieved from: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/prenatal-and-early-pregnancy-tips-for-staying-safe/
National Domestic Violence Hotline. Types of Abuse. Retrieved from: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/
The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.