Is your partner considering abortion? Most people would agree an unplanned pregnancy is a challenging experience for any woman. The truth is it can be a challenging experience for the man as well. Although ideally the couple are both involved in the process of working through the situation, sometimes the partner is overlooked—or bypassed—perhaps by the woman herself. Occasionally he is not even aware of the pregnancy until months or even years later, too late for any input about what followed. If you are a man who has a partner considering abortion, what can you do? No one can tell you what you should do; however, we have some thoughts for you in this difficult circumstance.
The first thing we recommend is that you find a resource for yourself. Avenue Women’s Center exists not only for women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy, but their partners too. We have been assisting women – and men – in the pregnancy decision-making process since 1981. A pregnancy consultation with an experienced staff member is one of many services we provide free of charge. All our services are strictly confidential. We have five DuPage County locations: Elmhurst, Glen Ellyn/Lombard, Naperville, West Chicago, and Wood Dale. Contact us today for an appointment.
Except in cases where sexual activity is non-consensual, two individuals are involved in every pregnancy, intended or unintended. Whether the pregnancy occurred through a casual encounter, in the context of a long-term relationship, or somewhere in between, both parties will be impacted by decisions that will be made. From the onset of pregnancy, the physical involvement is essentially the woman’s. In some cases, because of this fact, the man feels compelled to step back and leave the decision-making process to the woman alone. In many ways, this is unfair to both parties.
For the man to have conflicting emotions about it is no more unusual than for the woman to experience this struggle. There may be compelling reasons either for continuing the pregnancy or for ending it. If the pregnancy continues, its origin will be from the man as well as the woman. Since the man, too, is invested in the outcome, he ought not feel that he cannot speak to the situation.
“I’ll support you in whatever you decide” is a very common response. Is that the “correct” thing to say to this? As the man, it is appropriate to support your partner considering abortion. At the same time, it’s possible she wants to hear not just those words, but what that means to you. What kind of support? Financial? Emotional? Relational? As she considers her next steps, she deserves to know where you are coming from and what you may envision for the future. Equally important, you deserve for her to know your thoughts and perspective. The decision shouldn’t be based on an incomplete or inaccurate sense of whatever role you may want (or not want) to play in it; rather, from the reality of the part you see yourself having as well.
Whatever you are thinking or feeling, please communicate with each other about this. What happens next – whatever the determination – be sure both of you have had the opportunity to speak honestly about what’s on your mind. For a decision as potentially far-reaching and long-term as this is, you both deserve that opportunity.
This coin has two sides. If you are a man with a partner considering abortion, contact Avenue Women’s Center about pregnancy options and to address your role in this circumstance. A free pregnancy options consultation will provide you and your partner with helpful information, as well as space to process through the next steps of your decision. Call, chat, email or text for an appointment right away.The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.