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“My Girlfriend Wants to Abort, But I Feel Differently”

Is your girlfriend facing an unexpected pregnancy?  If so, you may feel placed in a challenging and awkward position.  Needless to say, an unexpected pregnancy is bound to add stress to any dating relationship… even when partners have compatible opinions about pregnancy options.  But what if you and your girlfriend want different outcomes?  You’re likely feeling especially anxious about the future if that’s your situation.  Maybe your girlfriend is leaning towards having an abortion, and you’re interested in adoption or parenting.  You’re probably wondering, “How am I going to navigate the days ahead with my partner?” 

You and your girlfriend may come across many obstacles along this winding road, but neither of you has to face this journey on your own.  Avenue Women’s Center is here to help.  We’re a limited medical clinic that offers free, confidential early pregnancy services to support individuals like you and your partner. If you need some extra support or help navigating this unexpected pregnancy in a healthy way, we’d love to be a part of your support network.

Learn more about Avenue Women’s Center!  We’ve been walking beside couples facing dilemmas like yours since 1981. 

Invested in a Decision that Belongs to Your Partner

A decision for abortion, adoption, or parenting is in your partner’s hands, but any alternative that she chooses could significantly impact your life too.  Maybe these dynamics just seem unfair.  Perhaps you’re feeling somewhat helpless, questioning if your own feelings and views are even relevant.  The influence that you have on your significant other’s pregnancy journey may be limited.  (You’ve probably felt a similar loss of control over your circumstances through other hard times you’ve faced).  This season of life may come with many challenges and disappointments.  But you’re far from powerless.  Your feelings and insights matter greatly.  Chances are, you have an important role to play in the days ahead.  There are steps that you and your girlfriend can take to meet each other with compassion in this difficult space, and hopefully reach an outcome that both of you feel at peace with.

Tips to Support Your Partner, Even If You Don’t Support Her Leanings

Communicate clearly and respectfully.

If you care deeply about your girlfriend’s pregnancy outcome and her situation in general, let her know.  She may not realize how invested you feel unless you speak up.  Most women really do care about their partners’ perspectives when facing an unexpected pregnancy.  If she’s open, tell her how you feel about the pregnancy and her available options, and explain why you feel the way you do.  It’s important to approach these conversations with honesty and respect (not judgment).  Rather than drawing conclusions about her motivations or what she “ought” to do, genuinely present where you’re coming from.  This will hopefully encourage her to show you the same courtesy.  Remember that good communication is powerful.  It can equip both of you to understand one another on a deeper level, and feel better supported and equipped for the days ahead.

Respect her autonomy while offering empathy.

This pregnancy is inside your girlfriend’s body, so she gets to choose her next steps.  But it’s okay if your thoughts and feelings don’t align with hers.  The two of you won’t always agree, and don’t have to agree in order to cope side-by-side.  Just communicate your views with kindness and compassion.  Remember that it’s totally possible to support her, even if you don’t support the pregnancy option(s) she’s considering.  Your partner is probably feeling scared and unable to control her circumstances, just like you.  Meet her in that difficult space with empathy.  This will likely inspire her to show you empathy in return.

Build a strong support network.

Finding additional sources of practical and emotional support could be extremely beneficial to you and your partner.  Look for a person (or persons) to confide in.  This may be a mental health professional, a mentor, a faith leader, or a pregnancy consultant… someone you trust, who can help you and your girlfriend process your feelings both individually and as a couple.  A mediator may also help the two of you communicate effectively with each other even though you have different opinions.

You’re not alone in these challenging circumstances, and neither is your partner.  Support is available!  Our expert staff at Avenue Women’s Center is here to process this situation with you and your girlfriend, and equip her to make the most informed pregnancy decision possible.  Our no-cost services include medical-grade pregnancy tests, options consultations, and limited medical ultrasounds!

Reach out by text, call, chat, or email to speak with an expert staff member!  We have six convenient locations in Chicagoland, Illinois, and we offer virtual consultations too.

The information provided here is general in nature.  It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center.  If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention.  Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.