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“My Husband Wants Kids, but I Don’t”

If you’re married, you’ve most likely experienced a painful disagreement with your spouse at some point.  Whether the inevitable conflict is related to kids, the future, or another important matter, it’s really hard to make a path forward when you’re not on the same page.  Perhaps you had a recent pregnancy scare, or received confirmation of an unexpected pregnancy, and your response was quite different than your husband’s.  Maybe having kids is something he’s been dreaming of, but you don’t want to be a parent.  Where do you turn when you’re facing a conflict with your husband regarding your pregnancy decision?

Avenue Women’s Center would love to partner with you and your spouse.  We offer confidential first-step pregnancy services at no cost!  We’ve been a supportive presence in the Chicagoland, Illinois community for over 40 years, and we’ve helped many women and couples navigate situations like yours.  Our compassionate and knowledgeable staff understands the challenges you’re facing.  It’s our role to provide quality services, reliable information, and caring support, so you feel empowered to take your next best steps.

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The Importance of Authentic Communication

Honest, respectful communication is a key ingredient for a healthy marriage.  You may have found this to be especially true when there’s a clash of expectations or priorities.  When you and your husband argue over something significant, like whether or not you’d like to have children, it may be time for a heart-to-heart.  Carve out a peaceful, distraction-free environment, and have your conversation at a time that doesn’t feel rushed.  It may be helpful to begin by asking about his feelings and hopes (all men have them!).  What is it about fatherhood that draws him in?  Where does he see your family in 5-10 years?  Has his own background shaped his desire for kids?  How so?  Hopefully, he’ll freely offer you an opportunity to share your perspective too.  These conversations may be challenging and uncomfortable at times, but they can also be valuable opportunities for growth.

Additional Considerations

When speaking with your husband about a touchy subject, be careful not to make assumptions about his motivations.  It’s easy to draw conclusions in the middle of an argument that the other person is behaving unreasonably, but it’s also possible that he’s simply operating from a different mindset than you are.  Remember that you and he are unique individuals with different backgrounds, experiences, emotions, and thought patterns.  Marriage is about working through these differences and together becoming better people for it.  That being said, you should count on being respected, and kindly communicate when a boundary is crossed.  If there’s a misunderstanding, calmly ask for clarification.  Avoid using harsh language.  If you can’t think of a respectful but sincere way to express how you feel, consider your next words rather than blurt out something hurtful.  Even if you still disagree in the end, healing is possible when you and your spouse are seeing and hearing one another.

Early Pregnancy Services:  An Excellent First Step for Every Woman and Couple

A woman is responsible for her pregnancy choice, although her spouse’s feelings and beliefs are likely going to be an important consideration.  However, before a pregnancy decision can be reached, it’s critical to obtain early pregnancy services.  Confirm your home results with a lab-quality pregnancy test at your doctor’s office or local clinic.  A limited medical ultrasound can provide valuable information on the health of your pregnancy, how far along you are, and what options are available to you.  Avenue Women’s Center offers these services as well as pregnancy consultations.  In speaking with one of our pregnancy consultants, you’ll have an opportunity to receive accurate information on all your pregnancy options, learn about available resources, and process your unique circumstances.

At Avenue, we believe in equipping women to make fully-informed pregnancy decisions.  That’s why we provide free services and reliable information on all your options.  You’re welcome to include your spouse in a visit to one of our centers, come by yourself, or bring another supportive person in your life- whichever you feel most comfortable with!  Regardless of your unique circumstances, you and your significant other will be met with warmth and respect.

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The information provided here is general in nature.  It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center.  If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention.  Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.