Dealing with unmet expectations may be one of the hardest things about facing an unexpected pregnancy, or any major shock in life. The world tends to feel like a threatening and unstable place when life doesn’t go according to plan. Can you relate? Perhaps you’re wrestling with fear, disappointment, and frustration as you try to wrap your mind around an unexpected pregnancy. These circumstances can sometimes trigger deep sadness or even a sense of grief. You may be wondering, “How am I supposed to deal with all this? How am I to cope with difficult emotions surrounding my unmet expectations, without letting them drive my decision-making?” Avenue Women’s Center is here to help you figure that out one step at a time.
Sadly, managing unmet expectations is part of being human. Anyone facing an unexpected pregnancy is likely dealing with it in some way, no matter how they’re coping or what option they’re considering. At Avenue Women’s Center, we’re all about helping people relate to their expectations in healthy ways and eventually reach their own best pregnancy outcomes. Our caring consultants and medical professionals are available to hear your story and equip you with the tools you need to move forward confidently.
Learn about our free, confidential services and connect with us today! Our limited medical clinics are located in Darien, Elmhurst, Glen Ellyn / Lombard, West Chicago, and Wood Dale, Illinois. We offer virtual consultations too!
“Not How I Pictured It”
If you’ve ever had a desire to get pregnant at all, this is almost certainly not how you pictured it playing out. First off, you likely imagined that any hypothetical future pregnancy would be intentional. Maybe you envisioned yourself in a more stable place financially or relationally. Perhaps you thought you’d be older… or younger. Regardless of what you expected, it’s probably safe to say that you anticipated feeling ready to become a parent whenever you hit this milestone. Discovering that you’re pregnant now, with no time to prepare emotionally or practically, has undoubtedly thrown a wrench in your hopes and plans.
“Should I Grasp for Control, or Let Go?”
An article from Psychology Today has this to say about expectations:
“All expectations have their light and shadow sides. They start out as beautiful expressions of what would create fulfillment. But they all too easily get co-opted to become a trigger for exercising control. So, the effort to obtain control is the real problem.”
It’s important (although difficult) to accept circumstances for what they are and “let go of” our expectations whenever they divert from reality. However, this approach can bring a surprising sense of relief, and allow us to face challenges with greater productivity and even contentment. As the Psychology Today article rightly states,
“Fear says we must have what we want… and we use defenses to try to obtain it. This is the strategy that ultimately backfires, creating the strain against reality that says ‘I cannot accept when things disappoint my expectations.’ When we adjust our expectations to flow with what reality offers… there are always abundant opportunities for finding a way to fulfillment.”
“What’s the Best Way to Deal with My Unmet Expectations?”
There’s no action you could take to “undo” the reality of your unexpected pregnancy. This principle is true for all of us, always, no matter what painful realities or unmet expectations we’re struggling with. We risk bringing more pain on ourselves when we deny our problems, try to erase them from existence, or fast-track the process of “fixing” them. A better approach to any scary, unexpected situation in life is to pause, reflect, and adapt.
Accepting the reality of your pregnancy may feel like an impossible task right now. However, concentrating on your first steps can help you approach this important process with calmness and clarity. Slow down. Take a deep breath. Feel and contemplate your emotions (including the uncomfortable ones). Give yourself the space you need to process them and grieve over your lost expectations. Once you’ve taken time for self-reflection, you’ll be better equipped to accept your circumstances, engage in some healthy problem-solving, and assess how you can still fulfill your deepest hopes. The journey may just look different than you expected.
At Avenue Women’s Center, we strongly believe in the value of a healthy decision-making process. Coping with unmet expectations and the painful emotions they trigger is one important component of this. So is learning the ins and outs of all your available pregnancy options, and understanding your personal health risks. Our no-cost services at Avenue, including our medical-grade pregnancy tests and limited ultrasounds, are designed to offer you the information you need to pursue a health-conscious decision. Our goal is to help you make a well-informed choice with clarity and confidence- free of barriers.
Contact us today! We promise you’ll be met with empathy and professionalism when you connect with one of our expert staff.
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Reference:
Psychology Today. (2024, February). How to Deal With Disappointed Expectations. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/deconstructing-anxiety/202402/how-to-deal-with-disappointed-expectations
The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.