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When Your Boyfriend Says, “If You Loved Me, You’d Get an Abortion” Part 2

Managing an unexpected pregnancy with a partner is typically challenging no matter what.  But what if he’s trying to manipulate your pregnancy outcome by saying things like, “If you loved me, you’d get an abortion?” In Part 1, we explored the meaning of emotional manipulation and the signs to look out for.  In Part 2, we’ll reflect on how emotional manipulation can impact a person, particularly while she’s processing which pregnancy option (abortion, adoption, or parenting) is best for her.  We’ll also discuss how to deal with this firmly and effectively.

Avenue Women’s Center is passionate about partnering with persons facing challenges like yours because we believe everyone has the right to feel informed and empowered in her pregnancy decision.  We’re an early pregnancy center offering free services like pregnancy tests and options consultations at no cost

Call, text, email, or chat to schedule an appointment today!

The Effects of Being in a Manipulative Relationship

Is your boyfriend attempting to influence your pregnancy outcome (or other aspects of your life) in a way that leaves you feeling drained, isolated, or insecure?  Manipulative (aka controlling) tactics may be most readily identified by the uncomfortable emotions and senses they often trigger.  But being manipulated isn’t just unpleasant.  It can be deeply harmful.  Verywell Mind notes several common consequences.  Do you find yourself feeling unsafe in your relationship with your partner?  Wrestling with significant self-doubt?  Defending yourself frequently, or apologizing for things that aren’t your fault?  These may be signs that your partner is manipulating you or trying to do so.

Because manipulative methods target a person’s most vulnerable areas, they tend to produce a lot of shame, which can impact someone’s self-esteem, autonomy, relationships…the list goes on.  Perhaps you’re starting to recognize these dynamics in your own life.  Maybe you’re realizing that your boyfriend’s behavior toward you has hurt your confidence and disrupted your ability to make self-directed decisions about your pregnancy or other things that matter.  Relationship patterns like these aren’t healthy for you or your future.  But there are steps you can take to change the narrative.  You’re strong enough!

Addressing Manipulative Behavior

Verywell Mind highlights several approaches that may be used to end manipulative patterns:

  • Deal with manipulative behavior directly. Once you recognize it, don’t minimize it or make excuses for your partner.  Consider discussing how his words and actions have affected you emotionally and in general.  Give clear examples.  Remember, manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.  It’s not something to be brushed aside.
  • Get care. The reasons behind your partner’s manipulation may be complex and difficult to unpack.  Also, you may already need emotional support from a source beyond this relationship.  Consider getting help from someone like a mental health professional or a faith leader.  Our pregnancy consultants at Avenue can help you connect with the right person or people.
  • Set clear boundaries. Let your partner know what’s okay and what isn’t.  Decide on appropriate steps to take if those boundaries are broken, communicate this plan to your boyfriend, and follow through.  Have a plan in place for conversations like these because he may try some of his manipulative strategies.  Listen well and avoid putting him on the defensive by explaining how you’ve been affected (it will be harder for him to argue with that).  If manipulative behavior continues, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
  • Be kind to yourself. Your emotional and physical safety are of the highest importance.  You deserve to be treated with respect.  Remind yourself of these truths if feelings of guilt start to creep in while reinforcing the boundaries you’ve set.

Getting Support from a First-Step Pregnancy Center

Manipulative behavior breeds confusion and mental exhaustion.  Avenue Women’s Center is all about helping women discover the remedies they need to pursue their best outcome: clarity and confidence.  Our free early pregnancy services provide education on the pregnancy itself (how much it’s developed, if it’s likely to continue, etc.), all available pregnancy options, and resources designed to empower no matter a person’s choice.  Our compassionate expert staff will meet you with warmth and professionalism the moment you contact us.  We offer a safe space to process what you’re going through and access the support you need.

Addressing manipulative patterns isn’t easy!  But you’re a resilient person who has what it takes to be assertive and make your own choices.  Our team at Avenue Women’s Center has your back.  We’re here to equip and encourage you as you reclaim your autonomy over this pregnancy decision and every other choice that belongs to you. 

Contact us to learn more!

*If you’re in an abusive relationship, and believe your safety or someone else’s may be at risk, call 911 right away!*



Verywell Mind.  (2022, October).  6 Signs of Manipulation in Relationships.  Retrieved from:

The information provided here is general in nature.  It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center.  If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention.  Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.