Few situations in life could trigger as much shock and fear as an unexpected pregnancy. For some women, one major concern (of many) is the possibility that their partner wouldn’t be a good parent if they chose to continue. But maybe that isn’t something you’re worried about at all. On the contrary, maybe you believe that your partner’s personality, values, and past experiences would make him a great dad. What if, instead of doubting his ability to parent well, you’re questioning your own?
If any of this resonates with you, you may be coping with conscious or subconscious feelings of shame. Know that it’s not too late to navigate this pregnancy journey with a peaceful and confident mindset. At Avenue Women’s Center, we’re dedicated to helping women feel empowered in their pregnancy decisions. We provide no-cost early pregnancy services like options consultations and limited medical ultrasounds with this goal in mind.
Reach out to schedule a confidential appointment! We’re located in Darien, Elmhurst, Glen Ellyn / Lombard, West Chicago, and Wood Dale, Illinois. We offer virtual consultations too!
It’s Normal to Wrestle with Doubts
To be human is to struggle with doubts about your own capabilities. Almost any parent would tell you that they wrestle with this from time to time. It’s actually healthy to recognize your shortcomings (everybody has them) as long as you’re using that self-awareness to pursue growth. The problem comes when shame consumes us, paralyzes us, and takes control of our decision-making. Maybe a part of you feels drawn to parenting, but shame and self-doubt are influencing you more than your genuine desires for the pregnancy. If that’s the case, read on!
An Objective but Compassionate Look
People struggle with doubts about their own parenting abilities for many different reasons. Some individuals didn’t have a positive role model growing up, and are afraid of “ending up” like the parent(s) who disappointed them. Some of us have other challenges to cope with, like mental health struggles, financial difficulties, relationship problems, or patterns of unhealthy substance use. Others simply have lifestyles that aren’t conducive to parenting. Maybe you’re already focused on important priorities related to work or family, and you feel like you don’t have room on your plate for anything else.
Whatever your reason(s) for questioning your parenting abilities, you undoubtedly want the best for everyone involved: Yourself, your loved ones, and perhaps the pregnancy, too. Maybe “the best” just isn’t something you believe you could offer to a child right now. If this rings true, you’re definitely not alone. Many people who are facing an unexpected pregnancy express similar feelings. But again, it’s important not to let doubt hold power over your decision-making process.
Truths to Meditate On
Instead of dwelling on your limitations and obstacles, take an objective but compassionate look at your situation and yourself. Meditating on a few critical truths will help you in this process…
- All parents are flawed human beings. If you’re already a parent or you ever decide to become one, the best you can do is be honest about your shortcomings while taking steps to become the healthiest version of you. This mindset will set a good example for any kids that you choose to have. It will show them that it’s okay not to be perfect. If parenting feels like a constant struggle, know that you’re in good company. This journey feels like an uphill battle at times for practically everyone. Thankfully, kids don’t need their parents to be flawless. They just need to be loved and cared for.
- It’s never too late to learn and grow. Do you have unhealthy patterns in your life that you want to change, but don’t know how to “fix”? Know that it’s never too late to begin taking steps toward better physical, mental/emotional, and relational health. Putting aside the matter of your pregnancy, addressing any harmful patterns is the best thing for you and your well-being. Almost all of us need help identifying and reversing unhealthy behaviors. It’s okay if this is a gradual process that requires a lot of support! Start by exploring resources in your area, and leaning on the wisdom of people you trust and respect.
- There’s always room for creative flexibility. Maybe your life is already filled with priorities that hold value and meaning, but a part of you wants to continue the pregnancy (or at least, consider this possibility). If that’s true for you, try to keep an open mind regarding your lifestyle. Maybe there are creative solutions you could implement to make it work without sacrificing your current priorities. Again, leaning on others will likely be an important part of this process. A little pivoting- however scary- can be healthy for us sometimes.
It’s much better to make important decisions from a place of self-confidence than from a place of self-doubt. Whatever challenges you’re facing today, know that you’re capable of rising above them and finding the pregnancy outcome that’s right for you. Look for support from people in your life who affirm all your best qualities while offering constructive input to help you grow. Our caring staff at Avenue Women’s Center is here to help strengthen your support network, too. We’re passionate about providing the accurate and timely information women need to take knowledgeable next steps in their unique pregnancy journeys.
Discover Avenue’s free and confidential early pregnancy services! Contact us to learn more!
The information provided here is general in nature. It is not a substitute for a consultation with a medical professional. Before any medical procedure, it is imperative that you discuss your personal medical history, risks, and concerns with your doctor. If you have questions during or after a procedure, your doctor should be immediately contacted. Avenue Women’s Center is not an emergency center. If you are experiencing severe symptoms, such as bleeding and/or pain, seek immediate medical attention. Contact your physician, go to an emergency room, or call 911.